“The” Pastor’s Daughter
A “Christian” vs. Texas Christian University
“You’re not the only one with a story, honey,” she said. and then went on to add that she’s had more miscarriages than she can count.
Quickly thereafter, the conversation ended when I asked her if she wouldn’t mind sharing what kind of procedure she had to treat her miscarriages, considering she had healthy triplets who were playing with my son across the lawn as our husbands watched.
She did indeed mind.
“We need to go. Now!” I heard her yell as she walked away after responding to me in her most *bless your heart* tone, “not with you, thank you!”
Hans started walking my direction, looking confused but also clearly had something to tell me…
The little girl (the other two were boys) was pretending to give birth while the boys were playing with our son. She was screaming so loudly that XB thought she was hurt and asked her if she was okay. The dad completely ignored her (and our son) while he informed my husband that she “does this all the time.”
In my conversation with the wife, I learned that she is the daughter of “the most popular pastor in all of North America.”
important side note/disclaimer: I don’t know who that is, but I do know they live in North Texas, and I didn’t ask for a name, mostly because I don’t want to know, but some of y’all reading this might already know... If that’s you: please, for the love of God, don’t mention them on my socials. Last thing I need right now.
Ok! back to the story…
The ONLY reason I was speaking with this woman is because on our first day in Hawaii, which yes, was the day of the tsunami *watch not warning,* XB started playing with their kids.
It was just the dad at first, and my husband said “hello” because it’s the polite thing to do.
He said nothing back.
He was a white man wearing a “seaside” t-shirt. I’ve seen this movie enough times to know that you catch way more flies with honey, so I walked up cheery as all get out and said “hayyy” in the longest drawl I could muster, “the boys are playing so well! Where are y’all from?”
Unsurprisingly, he said, “Dallas.”
“Oh! I went to TCU!” I chirped back.
His eyes finally fully lifted from his screen to see the real world standing right in front of him.
“Oh, how did you like it?”
“I loved it!” I replied. And I meant that.
I LOVED my time at TCU. I made amazing lifelong friendships and truly felt like I was able to find myself as a student of both Art and Sociology.
The professors were patient with me and helped me build a healthy framework from which to view the world when I was not raised with one. My peers were kind and open-hearted with a zest for life that I frankly have yet to find anywhere else in such a high concentration.
This institution shaped me as an individual and equipped me with the tools to navigate an ever-changing globalized world…
“We would never send anyone there,” she clapped back.
“Oh, why not?” I asked, genuinely, so confused because she came up to me to ask with such enthusiasm, I was truly shocked when I heard her response.
“We’re more… conservative.”
“More conservative? How?” I asked. again, genuinely confused because the most “conservative” people I’d ever met in my life were on this campus.
“Well, y’all have homosexual pastors!” she exclaimed. proudly.
*The pride here is V important to note.*
“I wouldn’t call that more conservative. I’d just call that bigoted.”
She shrugged.
She knew exactly who she was and who she was raised to be, and I’d put money on her attraction to me as far more *curious* than she would ever dare to consider, however many lava flows deep.
“So, where exactly in the bible does it exclude LGBTQ+ people?” I asked.
She recited some bullshit New Testament re-write, and when I pointed out the flaw in the translation and the systemic erasure of women and non gender conforming identities throughout the course of history, she said…
“Anyone can come to Jesus and be saved.”
She was trying to save me, y’all.
“So, as a bisexual woman, you believe I need saving?”
To that she repeated, “anyone can be saved,” and then, “same as lying, cheating, stealing…” I cut her off.
“You cannot put lying/cheating in the same category as being gay. That’s what makes you a bigot.”
Now, according to her, I was insulting her way of life. And maybe I was, considering her “way of life” has inflicted immeasurable pain upon countless people...
This conversation with the wife happened two days after the brief interaction with her husband.
And if I’m being honest, the potential of an uncomfortable confrontation just like this one is the exact reason we planned most of our activities off the resort — to avoid interactions exactly like this one.
When they saw us coming back into the resort from the trail, the wife walked clear across the lawn and directly up to me…
She was seeking this interaction out. I was hoping to see a shooting star...
Instead, I had to endure at least 30 minutes of pure cult like recitation of the Heritage Foundation script.
She didn’t miss a beat, though, I will give her that. The devotion (or brainwashing) is so deep and so real that I KNOW she truly believes every single word she said. Because, to consider that her whole life, worldview, and entire existence has been devoted to an abusive system that harms women would mean that she herself was or has been and will continue to be harmed.
Coming to terms with that would be identity-shattering.
But doing so as a mom of 3 with no support system and no free trips to the Ritz on daddy’s tithings with bottomless lava flows would be unthinkable. And this is the exact dynamic that insulates the whole system.
Every “traditional” household has the tendency to do that — even if seemingly harmlessly or by “choice.”
The problem is, even if you like life this way, it isn’t a choice when the system provides little to no viable alternatives and is actively working to dismantle the small gains we have made for women to be able to individuate.
The truth is, most of us have a complete idealized version of what a healthy relationship, family structure, and a woman’s role in that family might be. And that ideal in it of itself is traditionally harmful to women. It glorifies pacifism/erases so much unpaid labor that has absolutely zero ROI other than feeling proud of yourself EOD for doing THE hardest job in the world, but some days (maybe most) that pride will lack luster too.
In healthy systems, everyone feels seen, valued, fairly compensated, represented, and appreciated in their role as an individuated person — parent, partner, or neither…
Somehow, “what is healthy” has become contested by a vain, profit-driven, narcissistic society that has managed to dismantle decades of progress with the stroke of an algorithm.
This has seeded doubt in generations of health research and innovation to the detriment of everyone’s well-being. We’ve let this seep into our political system so much so that it has most literally eroded the pillars that keep us bound together as a civil society.
IMO — the culprit is the pulpit. Most notably, the mega kind, which essentially acts as a megaphone for dog whistles that amplify the most vile of human tendencies.
And again, if you ask me, it’s a sin.
It’s a sin that we allow the quiet grip of apathy to propel the greedy and dehumanize, demonize, and vilify the needy.
It is a sin that we starve our children, separate our families, and imprison our parents while feeding a system that repeatedly covers up abuses, restricts access to healthcare, housing, food, and makes every effort to stifle our right to exercise free speech, vote, control our own bodies, and therefore our destiny.
It is a sin that we do all of this in the name of God, and anyone who believes in any kind of spiritual anything, karma, whatever, knows this.
And I believe most people — especially the millennials raised in these systems and now poised to inherit their legacy (whether from an admin or participatory position) — also know this.
I believe that God is good and forgiving and all-loving and would love nothing more than to see the people who claim to follow him put down their swords.
There is room for all of us here.
THIS is what I learned TCU — a place dedicated to empowering GLOBAL citizens…
That part has really stuck with me. And while there are many students who may have never left the state of Texas, the school truly attempts to provide a window into the vastness of the Universe.
I learned (in depth) about the dangers our generation faces in regards to climate change, the causes (us), and that basic knowledge of science has allowed me to sift through endless propaganda ever since.
In my religion course, I did a project on the implications of megachurches…
“My husband reads Greek… and Hebrew!” she proclaimed. again, proudly, as if her husband’s accomplishments were her own.
But, I guess, in a world where she exists solely in his/her father’s shadow — perhaps it is. And maybe she takes pride in them, but the expectation that I would find that impressive after the series of deluded statements I had already rejected was truly… remarkable.
In retrospect, it’s very clear to see that her position as “the pastor’s daughter” had bred a unique sense of ownership over the cult HE built/essentially trapped his own kin within.
It’s a tale as old as time, and it exists in every coercive system. You might even call it a ‘hallmark’ or a ‘red flag’ if you’re into seeing things clearly.
The truth is, the bible says nothing about the exclusion of gay people and absolutely zero about abortion.
It does, however, say not to abuse children.
Any mention of the bigoted texts she referenced, supposedly in defense of her absolutely uncalled for overshare of her deep seeded hatred, imbued in her by her father, that has notably/directly contributed to the hateful legislation currently affecting LGBTQ+ families all throughout the country — ONLY begins to appear in translations from the 1940s (aka the King James version) and what does that timeline coincide with?
I know you know the answer.
And btw, they do too. The husband all but blew it when the only topic of conversation he could muster with my husband was: “Elvis stole music from Black people.”
But that’s a story for another time. For now, I’ll just say this…
Ain’t the truth, RICH.
With Love,
P
